HOW-TO Fridays: How to wear perfume

By the time most girls are 15 or 16, they’ve got at least one smell that they like to wear. It starts small when you’re about 4 or 5 and your mother gives you a little squirt before she goes out for the night. If you were like me, you gave yourself a little mist from her bottle whenever you ventured into her room. Sometimes it starts with a luxury deodorant (anybody remember wearing Impulse sprays?) and it gradually builds up to your first real bottle of something. The sense of smell is completely underrated in this day and age but it’s changing. There are some creatures out there called perfumistas, whose sole passion in life is to seek out new and rare scents. Perfume stores do massive business because giving someone a bottle of perfume is an easy and efficient gift- depending if you choose the right smell for them of course. That’s another day’s post however.

We actually have an “expert” on-board with us today- my sister Liz, who is one of the best perfume store assistants in Perth. Heh. She sells people perfume whenever she isn’t being a med student so here we go.

What are the basics of wearing perfume?
“Less is more. Always buy the eau de parfums. They last longer and you can use less of them because they’re oil-based and they sit on your skin better. Far better than the eau de toilettes- this is alcohol based and fades faster.”

Whereabouts should you wear a scent?
“On your wrists- don’t EVER smudge your perfume together- it bruises the scent. The back of your neck and behind your ears is good as well. Obviously, your throat is another area, right above your carotids (med student comes out here). There’s no point putting it anywhere else because it’s a waste of perfume.”

Should you wear perfume on top of or under your clothes?
“Under! Unless you have an allergic reaction, always under. Perfume consists of layers- the head-notes (first hit), heart-notes (you smell these second) and soul notes (the ones left at the end of the day). You really smell those head-notes and subsequent tones when perfume warms up which is why you should always spray before you put your clothes on.”

How do you know when your perfume is off?
“If it smells more like alcohol than the original scent. Sometimes, the colour of the perfume changes. Keep it out of the sunlight and don’t keep it in the fridge either. Definitely don’t leave it in your car.”

How much should I wear?
“Depending on the strength of the scent- one spray per wrist and one for the throat. If you’re suffocating in your car- too much!”

Do these rules apply for guys as well?
“Yes. Guys tend to douse themselves in perfume which is offensive to say the least. Less is more!”

Hot scents for girls this summer:
Ed Hardy- hip and edgy- Created by Christian Audigier, a tattoo artist in L.A- this is his first scent.
Chance by Chanel- this classy perfume house’s younger scent. Fresh and citrusy.
Escada’s range and Incanto by Salvatore Ferregamo- fresh, fruity and definitely summer.
Bouquet by Vera Wang- Liz’s pick for summer- a sweet, fizzy citrus smell (honeysuckle, blackcurrant, paper white narcissus).

Don’t steer away from celebrity fragrances- some are really nice! Most of them can be generic but ones like Gwen Stefani (smells like pears) and apparently Victoria Beckham (musky wood, rose and orange blossom) are good this year.

Hot scents for guys this summer:
Allure homme sport by Chanel- I’ve smelt this one on Liz’s hands and it’s beautiful- masculine yet fizzy somehow.
The One by Dolce and Gabbana- spicy warm oriental frangrance- herbs and tobacco with grapefruit.
Attitude by Giorgio Armani- Woodsy and gorgeous- bit of spice to it. The bottle looks like a cigarette lighter. It has coffee and cedarwood in it.
Unforgiveable by Sean Johns- Smells like Coke. That’s the drink, not the drug.

Ashton Kutcher on his wife Demi Moore- “I don’t want to smell her perfume unless I’m kissing her.”


Sodabug wears “Fuel for Life” by Diesel (mandarin, jasmine, musk) and Night (pour femme) by Giorgio Armani (hawthorn, blackcurrant and bergamot).
Angel wears Romance by Ralph Lauren (ginger, rose, violet) and FCUK for her (amber, iris, jasmine).
Liz wears Mademoiselle by Chanel (mandarin, Bulgarian rose, orange blossom) and Princess by Vera Wang (water lily, lady apple, wild tuberose).

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Would you like to have some tea? (With a British accent)

On Sunday, Jess dearest gave me a truly wonderful book called 'How to Walk in High Heels - The Girl's Guide to Everything'. She was right to say that there are '..hundreds of experiments, blog posts, tips, etc..' because here you go! I'm blogging about one of them now - Selection of Tea.

(This is not the exhaustive list they have in the book, but just some that I've picked up because 1. They are easy to get from the supermarkets, and 2. We like them.)

Darjeeling
HTWIHH says - Cures homesickness and missing England when abroad; a comforting workman's classic
SFTW says - Love the refreshing taste of it, but I suppose it's different with every brand of darjeeling. Note: they don't sell it at Woolworth's, only Coles.

English Breakfast
HTWIHH says - Good for work crises and money worries. Wake up and take on the world.
SFTW says - Jess' daily cup. She loves it. And so should you.

Earl Grey
HTWIHH says - Perfect for when you don't know what to wear/he left you/you have no idea how to make him fall in love with you.
SFTW says - Very comforting. Hard core drinkers drink without sugar.

Peppermint
HTWIHH says - Detox, destress, demystify.
SFTW says - Good for upset stomach. (:

Chamomile
HTWIHH says - For relief from anxiety and insomnia
SFTW says - Calms you down, very soothing, makes you sleep

Green tea
HTWIHH says - Cleansing, either the palate or mind
SFTW - For digestion, cleansing. (That's the Japanese green tea we're talking about here.)

Lemon Tea
HTWIHH says - Serve with lemon slices, not wedges, if you are to do it properly, provide a lemon fork. Never add lemon to milk. (SFTW: It is a basic science principle that changing the pH of the solution will cause changes in charge/denature the milk protein/create curds)

And now, we come to teas close to our hearts. (:

Iron Buddha (Tie Guan Yin)
Good for drinking at night, classic Chinese tea.

Rose Tea
Very fragrant, light. It's those dainty teas that little ladies drink, I think.

Eight Treasures Tea
Very strong herbal tea, as the name suggests, is a blend of 8 ingredients. Strong (and very very dark in color) but it is more sweet than bitter.

Chrysanthemum Tea
The best flower tea in my books. Even better when they come in instant packs. It's light, very refreshing. Mmm, love how the Chinese blend their teas.

Teh (Tea+Condensed milk)/ Teh Peng(Tea+Condensed milk+Ice)/ Teh O Peng(Tea+Sugar+Ice)/ Teh C Peng(Tea+Evaporated Milk+Ice)/ Teh Peng Siu Dai(Tea+Lesser condensed milk+Ice)
What you get in a Singapore/Malaysian coffee shop (and the names of which you order them as). The epitome of good strong teas, but usually go for 'siu dai' if you don't want to get diabetes at 45. There's a whole other group of names for kopi(coffee) and its derivatives, but that's a post for another day.

3-Layered-Teh-C-Peng(Palm sugar+Evaporated milk+Tea+Ice)'Nuff said. We've got a friend who can make this in Perth. The responses to the drink were 'woahh'. It's real good.



This is a very long post. And I rest my case - Caffeine wins (most of the time).

I <3 Wednesdays: Dealbreakers

Dealbreakers. Since this is a Wednesday, we're gonna talk about dealbreakers in terms of friends and boys. Wednesday posts are fun to write =)

Dealbreakers go beyond compromise I think. There are plenty of things that you can compromise and come to a happy agreement about. There are some things though, that you cannot turn a blind eye to- personal stances, preferences that stand like bedrock. 

What is the absolute "NO WAY" point for you in terms of either friends or a relationship? Assuming that you're reading this blog- the boy has at least got to be Christian and be of sound mind so no using non-Christian and insane as excuses. It can go a full range from something shallow to something deep. Example- a boy I know of has a BMI rating. She's got to be within the normal Body Mass Index (20-25) for him to consider anything (it's a good thing his gf is a 19). It can change as well- I can stand my friends smoking. I would not and could not stand for a boyfriend to smoke. I'd issue an ultimatum- it's either me or the deathsticks. I took a small poll around for other people's dealbreakers.

Person 1: If the guy thought she was dumber than he was. If a guy ever thought I was dumber than he was and treated me as such- dealbreaker. Also- if the guy talked to me in a baby voice.

Person 2: Long fingernails. Disgusting. Even worse if it's just one fingernail (cos you know exactly what that's used for). I can understand if they have to keep it long because they're a virtuoso acoustic guitar player but if you're not- YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE.

Person 3: If the guy has ever dated anyone in the family. Extended family included. Also if the guy treats my family bad. Possibly the same if my family all hate him and have all the reasons for it.

Person 4: Spitting in public. It's gross and crass and unhygienic. Also- if he refuses to take care of his feet- talons are not a good look. 

I'm with the fingernails person. I can't stand long fingernails on a guy *shudder*. Nice hands though- I am partial. In a situation where there ever was violence displayed against me- I'd walk away right then and there. If he seriously scorned/mocked/belittled my creative pursuits, I'd get very mad first and then leave the relationship. There are other examples such a my friend in Singapore who won't consider a guy unless he displays the same passion for the country that God has placed in her heart i.e. Israel. It's a given that if he willingly turned away from God, I'd end the relationship as well. 

It's all very subjective because something that you can tolerate may be another person's kryptonite. I could probably understand if the guy forgot stuff like birthdays and anniversaries. Probably even twice. However, a third time and I'd get pissed. I know girls though who, if the guy forgot a birthday, would dump the poor sod's butt and go find someone else. 

Guys also have their dealbreakers- I'd be interested to know =) 

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Saving Daylight, Losing Sleep

As everyone should know, Daylight Saving Time came back on Sunday. If you don't know, you might have found yourself being fashionably late for the last two days. But yes, I sincerely hope you knew.

Well, so, I blamed my oversleeping today on Daylight Savings. I decided that since I'm one hour ahead, it was perfectly fine to sleep an hour later. However, there were two things I didn't consider:

1. Even if I sleep one hour later, it doesn't mean that class will start one hour later.

2. I am at a certain period in the semester (usually near the end) where my body has been so tired out that it has to have at least 7 hours before it decides to start functioning.



So yes, there isn't much of a point in this post, except that as girls, we recognise the need to sleep; some of us more than others. I'm not sure how Daylight Savings is going to work in my favour, but I'm claiming that hour back by sleeping at 12mn. (which is 3 minutes away as I type this post)

Just to throw a few questions out.

- As Hocks (our youth pastor) has said, young people need more than 8 hours of sleep for their brains to mature. What do you say to that?

- I know I accumulate sleep debt. A lot of it. Do you believe in paying off sleep debt, or do you think its a load of bull?

- How many hours do you need before functioning normally the next day? And if you need the aid of caffeine, how do you take it as?


Long maccs FTW on 4-hour sleep days for me. (:



Goodnight!




Postscript: If you would like to support me sleeping early, you can join the Facebook group 'The Angel Sleep Early Campaign' Thad set up. Perhaps then you can try to plot and scheme ways to make me sleep early. Asking Coffee Katie to make my coffees decaff-ed was brutal.

MAN-day Mondays: What's a Man?

I'm not sure if I'm the only one to notice this, but there's a lot of un-manliness running rampant in today's society. I'm not referring to a lack of macho, because the alpha-male, hi-5ing culture is still going strong. The un-manliness I describe is best characterised by a lack of responsibility.

I think the tendency for guys to shirk responsibility is a throwback to the original man, Adam. He was meant to be the caretaker of all the things in the Garden of Eden, to lead Eve in a holy relationship, and she was meant to be his 'helper'.

Eve hands him the fruit and instead of taking the responsibility to say "hey... maybe this isn't such a good idea", he just rolls with it. When God asks him why, he simply passes the blame to Eve. Real manly Adam. And so it's in Ephesians that Paul says "Love your wives", which is the hardest thing for guys to do.

I made that outrageous statement in small group and was laughed at for it, but I truly believe that it IS the hardest thing for a guy to do. Why else would Paul spend such a sizeable portion explaining it to us guys in comparison to the few verses he directs at our sisters-in-Christ.

Take a moment and think about a typical TV advertisement directed at guys, say something along the lines of a beer commercial. More likely than not, it's gonna involve a bunch of mates getting together and conning their wives/girlfriends into letting them go fishing/camping. Not exactly looking after their wives' best interests.

To put things into the context of a relationship, the clearest example I can think of would be 'infatuation'. This year was an interesting year for me, as I met a lot of incredible people, but they were exactly that, incredible people. A great guy I know happened to fall into one of the traps that I myself have also been guilty of in the past, he liked a girl but let other people know before letting her know. He was infatuated with the idea of her and not the her-her that existed (it was far too early in the year for him to find out).

Normally there'd be nothing wrong with letting a few of your mates know but when everyone knows it gets a little awkward and uncomfortable, especially for the girl. If she's blissfully oblivious to the situation, there's a delay in the timing of the consequences but the end effect is the same: you've put your own interests above hers.

Since one of the goals in a relationship is transparency, eventually there'll come a time where you have to have that conversation. The "hey... everyone sort of knew before you did." conversation which will leave her feeling any selection or combination of foolish/naive/betrayed/self-conscious etc .

As guys we also suffer from sometimes just not knowing what we want out of relationships. Not knowing what the women in our lives want and not knowing what we want for ourselves. Therefore the challenge is set.

There needs to be an audit of this thing that we call manliness in modern culture.

We've gotta take up the mantle of responsibility in our actions, to be the caretakers of what we've been given, whether they be possessions, situations or hearts.

Sisters, along with last week's blogger I ask that you clue us in on what we need, to be men that you would respect.

Thank you in advance.

This post is written by Pete.

Pete is a first-year med student, ex-engineer student, keys/piano extraordinaire who serves at the Vietnamese Evangelical Church in Perth. I've known him since forever and he's one of those family friends who is more family than friend. Gifted with the ability to be insanely creative and yet very rational and logically-minded, Pete would induce sheer jealousy everywhere he turns except for the fact that he is one of the most affable, friendly and witty guys you will ever meet. He's also tall, lean and dresses like a very fashionable emo.

discussion

This is Hui Fu's discussion on the question that Pete posed a few posts back. Click for readability! Thanks for letting me grab that HF =) !

HOW-TO Fridays: How to start putting on makeup.

I have to admit. I am one of the last few persons you would ask about makeup. The younger sister attempted to give me a crash course 3 days before I flew to Perth for the first time, and even gave me an eyeliner pencil and mascara. But yes, as you would have guessed, I didn't touch them. But recently, I made a landmark buy, and from there it's just one after another.

So here's just sharing some lessons I've learnt in the past few months about starting on makeup. Wheeeee.

1. Makeup is really complicated. There's too much information, too many tutorials and everyone's got some special makeup secret. But the point is to find something you are comfortable with. If you ain't the flashy type, don't put on dramatic makeup. Learn to do makeup that complements you, not turn you into a drag queen or someone you are not.

2. Start small. My landmark buy was an eyelash curler. Hahah, after that it's on with the mascara and the eyeliner (after that I screwed up the makeup), then foundation, blush, eyeshadow. Slowly add it on, maybe buying bit by bit will cushion that 'transition' more.

3. Make sure you have makeup remover, especially when dealing with waterproof mascara.

4. Practice before going out in public. At least know some basics, because although your face is a canvas, it is not exactly a free form art.

5. Know what to invest in, especially if you are on a budget. Friend Kenny Choo, who did my makeup on the last two saturdays, says that foundation powder/cake is crucial, but it is okay to use cheaper blusher, eyeshadow, stuff.

6. Have good friends who can give you good honest advice. True friends will tell you when you look really stunning and when you look like a clown.

7. Learn from the experts. My sister picked up quite a lot of her pwnage makeup skills from Tyra Banks.

8. Take time to wake up earlier to put makeup on. And give yourself time allowance to rectify making yourself look like a panda with eyeliner.

I know there is so much more to go. And it's late and I need to sleep. And yepp comment on if you have more to add into it. :D

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: The Darcy Effect

Whenever the subject of Jane Austen, any Jane Austen crops up, the first thing a guy will scoff (apart from "What's Austen?") will be "Oh, that bloody ponce, Darcy".

It does depend on who you talk to but Darcy is either the epitome of every girl's beautiful dream or the re-incarnation of every nightmare for a guy. "He's a fictional character!! How on earth am I meant to measure up to that?!" vs. "Mr Darcy is soo HOT. Look at him striding out of that pond dripping wet, smouldering with pent-up love for Elizabeth." Any girl worth her salt wants Darcy in her life. She will always want a man who struggles to find the words that conveys what he feels- he's trying to repress it but he's burning up with passion for her. He goes further than the ends of the earth for her- he SACRIFICES his pride for her. He persists but knows when to back off. He cannot abide her family but does so for the sake of her- he sees her worth despite her family's circumstances and social stigma. Plus, he's a tall, strapping, handsome, darkly smouldering English aristocrat with a castle. Did I mention he wears a cravat and waistcoat?

What are the cons of the Darcy Effect though? Apart from the numerous babies born with the name Darcy, the effects of this piece of literature goes a long way. I have been subject to this (as Elaine full well knows) in that suddenly, no living man can come close to matching up with our Darcy. Real life reverts to being that slightly dreary, ridiculously hard thing to slog through, whilst we dream of that softly lit, incredibly romantic bit of our life where a man strides through a field at daybreak with just one purpose in mind- you. Meanwhile, the guy sitting next to you is wondering why you have a vacant stare when he's trying to ask what you're doing tonight.

There are pros though. Girls should take encouragement from P&P in that they should never settle for second best (that's another day's post). Lizzie doesn't get sucked into the trappings of Darcy's wealth when he first proposes and she hates him. He has to prove his worth to her first and she never forces her feelings to change- they naturally evolve over time. Guys should take encouragement in that there are particular aspects of Darcy worth incorporating into their own lives- namely loyalty, putting the girl first etc but they don't have to actually copy the man. These are completely possible traits to cultivate in real life. You don't need to pay for her entire family to get out of debt, constantly look like a gherkin has been shoved up your ass (which is how Mark Darcy was described in Helen Fielding's "Bridget Jone's Diary") or pretend that you loathe us when you don't. We wouldn't mind if you fought a tyrannical aunt for us though =)

There's a plethora of things you can discuss about Austen and Pride and Prejudice- this is certainly not the last post on the matter!

I <3 Wednesdays: Leadership & Submission

SFTW got her first fan mail! :D Here's a shoutout to Pete for giving us a good idea for today's post.

I was just wondering if you could do a post on Godly relationships in the context of Ephesians/Colossians (the rules / instructions given to wives and husbands).

We recently had a small group bible study at Uni and the passage we were reading Ephesians 5:22-33, and we summarised it down to:
Wives submit to your husbands,
Husbands love your wives (and therefore lead them in the relationship, as the head of the household)...

But a few questions came up in discussion that we didn't have time to finish, and so I thought it'd make good reading/discussion for the general public:

- When exactly does the leading/submission start? Because on the one hand it does say wives and husbands, but at the same time we've heard quotes like "you're a husband/wife long before you sign the marriage certificate", so when exactly does the submission/leadership start in the relationship?

- Should there be some degree where the women help to develop the men's leadership ability, and the men help the women to learn submission...

- And also, what aspects of the relationship are we talking about when we say leadership/submission? Is it the level of emotional commitment? Finances? Frequency of dates? What's for dinner?

Disclaimer: This is no expert opinion (haven't been married before). Mostly everything is in my humble opinion.

As any good researcher, I googled. Firstly, I'm amused by the amount of 'leadership books' men have. But as for the women, the general vibe I get is how 'Submission is a decision and not a dirty word' - like it is not a sign of weakness, it's okay.

In fact, I see the reason for all these going back all the way to the Fall of man - how Adam's passiveness/silence when Eve was tempted by the serpent led to the Fall (Genesis 3:6).

(On a sidenote, everytime I type FAll I think FAIl. Epic fail.)

It seemed to be against our nature on both ways doesn't it? Generally for the men, to be passive is easier than taking charge, while for women, the tendency to take charge is so much stronger.

Therefore, for me, the leadership/submission thing starts even in a brother/sister-in-Christ relationship. There IS a point in brother/sister-in-Christ relationships (yes, not just fishing for a potential husband or wife, but I'm sure you know that already).

That ties in with whether women help to develop men's leadership ability (and decision-making ability) and vice versa, before marriage. Definitely, it does not say to submit to your brother-in-Christ, but things like allowing/prompting the guy to lead by initiating talk to keep the conversation going, paying for the bill, opening the door, etc., helps men to practise stepping up to 'lead' even before marriage. And of course, by doing so, helps women practising submitting.

Leadership and submission is perhaps not just in the actions, but also emotional and mental. The classic example is probably the hen-pecked husband. It's not the wife taking up the manly roles of chopping woodblocks for the fire, but how husbands are scared of the wives (see, mental! emotional!).

In dating however, I think it is to recognise that God has not given the guy the authority over the girl. The authority over the girl is still her father/her pastor/the father figure in her life. Therefore, it is not her duty to fully submit to her boyfriend as yet, but to practise the role of a sister-in-Christ, choosing to submit in a smaller scale (letting the guy make the ultimate decisions on where to go, letting him order after you two decided what to eat), and thus helping the guy practise his leading.

There's so much that we can talk about in this discussion, but for me, I suppose the focus is in the end, to be part of the process to help my brothers-in-Christ become godly husbands God called them to be one day, and in turn practising my submission to my future husband through submitting to God, my father, and in smaller scales, guy friends as well.

Comments are always open. The line of discussion is always open.

And kudos to Pete again for the idea, I had a good time sorting through my thoughts and convictions to write this post. (:

LIFE-day Tuesdays: When to say Sorry

I have to admit right now- I am really bad at saying "Sorry". I come from a family where, if you choose to see it this way, we're so tight that we've never really had to apologise to each other. We wrong each other all the time but the apology is apparent in our actions soon afterward.

Is there ever an appropriate time to say 'sorry' though? I guess a lot of the time, it depends on the situation and your understanding/perspective of it. If you've been keeping up with Australian politics, one obvious way of NOT saying sorry is Brendan Nelson's way of 'sorry', where he was basically patronising and full of excuses whilst trying to apologise to the Aboriginal people.

This isn't going to be some expert opinion on how to say sorry. I just know that sometimes, you have to be the bigger person and use sorry as the olive branch, even when you know that you shouldn't be the one apologising. Sorry is so powerful when used the right way (and all wisdom to you if you do know how to use it correctly). Sorry should never be used in anger or bitterness cos believe me, the other person can sense it like a fat kid can sense cake in a 10m radius.

Sorry.

See!?

MAN-Day Mondays: Sometimes the obvious needs to be stated.

Possibly one of the most frustrating things for us guys when it comes to girls is that girls almost never tell us when something is wrong and why. This is something that will take the uninitiated by surprise, annoy the headstrong (or as we like to say logical) among us, and bring a knowing smile from even the most seasoned male.

Over the years I have been the perpetrator of many a faux pas when it comes to relating to girls and thankfully I've managed to survive their wrath and not been too much of an idiot to admit when I was wrong. Let's face it, no matter how we like to see it we're almost always in the wrong - maybe not necessarily erring in a logical sense but erring by not taking their feelings into consideration when we do or say something (and also more often than not, by not doing or saying something when we should have). After having some experience with girls we guys CAN actually get the hint that something is wrong but as to what our failings were, more often than not we have absolutely no clue. So I come hat in hand to ask - please tell us what it is that we need to do so that we can do it, because we care.

It's not just when we do something badly wrong and upset you that we need to be told what it is. It could be when we fail to do something nice for you like compliment you on how great you look, or notice that you did your hair in a special way, or make sure that you're safe before we zoom off after dropping you home at midnight. Or it could be when we behave inappropriately towards another person and you don't like it. The cold shoulder and the silent treatment really doesn't contain that much information for us to realise our mistakes and learn the proper way of doing things. I know sometimes girls feel like they don't want to tell us what they want us to do because they want us to realise for ourselves what we should do, so that it won't be that we're doing it just because they told us to. I think that is a valid concern, because some guys will just do it out of obligation and then what's the point right? But I do know that there are some guys who will actually benefit from that, because when we do care sometimes we don't know how to express that care. Let's face it, we're quite dense compared to girls when it comes to relational issues. But if we know what's important to you, then we'd be able to put more effort into making sure that we're doing the right thing by you. And I think that even if most the guys that you tell don't get anything out of it, there will be one or two who are keen to know how you really want to be treated. And believe me the girls in their lives will thank you for it.

I know it can be a bit daunting to tell a guy directly everytime he does something wrong or everytime he disappoints you in some way. You'd probably end up coming across as a big of a nag/complainer when you're really trying to help him. Trust me when I say that if he doesn't get the point the first time there's no point telling him the same thing over and over again. Just say it once at let it stew. It might seem that he doesn't take it on board but really he might, it's just that he wouldn't want to suffer the indignity of admitting that you're right.

I'm lucky to have two close girl friends from my uni days who had and still have no qualms about telling me when I've done something wrong and why. One of them actually volunteers my faults quite openly to me on a regular basis. I admit it's quite demoralising at times but I've learnt a lot about girls and also myself through their input. Other girls have picked up on this and used their relationship with me to convey my failings through them. I quite appreciate that too. For example, early in my university days I had the privilege to transport two girls to and from church just about every Sunday. Sometimes our group would hang out after church till nighttime, and when I dropped them off at their home and then quickly drove off seconds after the car doors were shut. I thought that was perfectly fine until one day the aforementioned volunteer of my faults casually informed me that that wasn't a very nice thing to do. I should actually make sure that they're safely inside the house before leaving. And I thought to myself yes, that actually makes a lot of sense, and since then I've tried to be more conscious of that when I take a girl back to their home. So if you don't want to let the guy know directly but would still like him to know, you can pass the message through a close girl friend or possibly even a more knowledgable male friend.

To sum it all up, I know us guys can seem quite hopeless most the time, but we do need your input and instruction so please do let us know what we can do better (but please not everything at once!).

---

MAN-day posts are written by guys. If that ain't obvious enough. (: Today's post is written by Thad. And yes, he validated what he said when he sent me to my doorstep yesterday night after the anniversary ball.

Thad +10000 !

HOW-TO Fridays: Concert etiquette

Double post!

Concert etiquette 101:

Loud and angry(read: great) music by Sodabug

It's always so dangerous for girls to head into the mosh pit at events like Big Day Out. Maybe not so much for acts like Bjork (she seriously just makes noise) but for acts like Rage Against the Machine, The Prodigy, Hilltop Hoods and Muse- being smaller than the average person makes going into a mosh pit an extreme sport. Unless you are a female wrestler/brickie/basketball player, chances are that you'll come out a bit worse for wear.

So how do you still enjoy these events?

- Attire is one way. Make sure you steel-cap your boots. Protect your feet from the 6'4" giant stomping happily next to you.

- DON'T WEAR WHITE. These kind of concerts usually end up with security spraying the crowd down with water to stop dehydration. Keep your dignity and wear darker colours.

- I know it's close quarters in a mosh pit so how do you tell the behemoth standing next to you that he's dripping sweat onto your head? Loudly. If he doesn't listen, move away instead of taking aim at his feet with your steel-capped boots. However, this doesn't apply if some random guy is grinding up behind you. Stomp away.

- It's a given that you should drink lots of water. Lots and lots of water- you don't want to have to one of those poor people that have to be hauled over the security barriers.

I've always wondered myself at the attire and behaviour of some young girls at concerts, particularly at Christian events like Planetshakers. It's like a pack hunting for fresh meat. The skirts grow shorter, the t-shirts grow tighter. What the? At a Christian concert? Before any of them head into the arena, I say the youth leaders take a survey of the attire and handout bright yellow and orange traffic jackets. One time wearing them and those girls will dress properly for the next night. *all opionions are my own of course- I'm no expert*

---

The dance, the words, the works. by ange.

[rant] Funny how the Singapore education system worked - they are big on concerts (school band concerts, choir concerts, handbell ensemble concerts, dance concerts, musicals etc) and sports (the rugby finals, the national track and field c'ships) if they don't suck at it. Yepp, they only pay for the expensive venues and productions if your school team for that is really prestigious or with uber rich histories (read SCGS Dance, PLMGSS Band, ACJC Choir). Yes I do understand I probably lost all my readers here. COME BACK COME BACK! I'm getting to the point! [/rant]

There are tons of sites teaching you about concert etiquette. Google fetches you 190,000 results. But here's some that I have drawn from my experiences of concerts over the past years, not just so that you won't piss me off when we go to a concert together, but also for an enjoyable experience. (:

- Dress up accordingly. Different concerts require different dress codes. If the concert is at a concert hall or theatre, make sure you abide by the venue's dress code (ie. more often than not, no thongs, no shorts, etc.). If the concert is in a park, well it makes no sense to wear stillettos heels and delicate fabrics that will catch on the itsy bitsy stuff on the grass.

- Know when to clap/shout/whistle. Unlike the loud and angry concerts (haha), you don't scream and shout every minute of the concert. PLEASE DON'T. They'll probably send security to carry you out. Clap at the end of the whole piece when the conductor turns around to acknowledge the audience, not in the middle of movements. At the end of the concert, if you truly enjoyed it, clap louder, give a standing ovation. But please please please please don't wolf whistle.

- Punctuality. Arriving late or leaving early is not just rude for the performers, but very very distracting for the rest of the audience.

- Mobile phones. Need I say more?

- Flowers! If your friend is performing, it is always nice to get them a concert gift. Flowers and chocolates are always great, and catching up with them after the concert to show your appreciation for their performance will encourage them a lot.


- No flash photography, and sometimes no cameras at all. Imagine the dancer on stage doing a pirouette, but gets distracted because of a sudden burst of light from the audience. Or imagine the lighting director's fury when people messes with his/her meticulously designed lighting design.


I do think about Jess' point about the attires and behaviors of girls in Christian concerts, or sometimes even church services. I suppose that will come another day as a point of discussion.


But for now, throw us some suggestions or comments if you have. Even better, share your experiences on concert etiquette!


It's Friday! And we take the weekends off from blogging, so see you next week! xoxo

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: "Independent Woman" by Ne-yo

WARNING: R&B/Hip-Hop ahead.

I heard this song at Amy Liang's 21st birthday, over her birthday video. There's been songs proclaiming female independence before, like Destiny Child's "Independent Woman" and Kelly Clarkson with her "Miss Independent" but this is the first time in a long time where I've heard a guy sing about being with an independent woman.

"Ooh there's something about /Kinda woman that can do for herself /I look at her and it makes me proud /There's something about her"- See, I'm in two minds about these lyrics. On one hand, I am incredibly independent. I like to be by myself more often than not and I loathe having to depend on other people. This is probably where the phrase "Chivalry is dead- women killed it." comes from. On the other hand, I like being taken care of once in a while. Not just in a romantic sense but when guys offer their strength as a person and as a support, it feels great! It's important to note though that it never has to be seen as romantic- a guy friend who comes through for you is more often than not, more appreciated than a boyfriend by mere fact that boyfriend is seen as "expected to".

There is the opposite end of the spectrum though, where there are girls who are literally unable to function without a man by their side. They can't drive, can't go shopping, can't earn their own money, can't go to sleep without a goodnight message or six ("No, you hang up! No, YOU hang up first! Okay on three...1...2..3! You didn't hang up!). *sorry, I just retched in my mouth a bit*

So, for me at least, this song, heavy on the R&B flavour as it is, (oh baby, baby, uh-huh yeah), it kind of gives me hope that independent, opinionated girls can be wanted as much as the more passive/submissive/quietly elegant and refined/adorable babydoll girls are. I can feel another post about "How independent is too independent?" coming on but that is another day. The beat of this song is good to drive to with it cranked right up.

I <3 Wednesdays: Assume nothing?

In light of the open letters that sparked off the idea for this site, we inevitably face the other side of the coin.

If the guy's responsibility is to watch and realize that their actions, however unintentional and subtle, are all taken in by girls who read wayyy too much in between the lines, should the girls pick up certain responsibilities as well?

One such thing we discussed is whether girls should assume that there is nothing more than a friendship until perhaps 'the talk' or a formal invitation to a date or even a season of courtship.

I know, I know, it's idealistic. Nature probably never worked that way, and yes it takes a very high level of self control to be able to do so, especially when the emotions are raging like a thunderstorm inside. Gahhhh. But before that, let me punt this idea to you in easy-to-read steps. (As you can see I am a huge fan of paragraphing. Haha.)

1) Guy does something (anything that might indicate the slightest hint of interest.)

2) Brain rings tiny signal, "What was that for?"

3) Instead of going "Maybe he likes me.", go with "Ah, should be nothing."


As with any concepts/ideas/whatever, all good students should discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this concept/idea/thinking/whatever.

Advantages:
- You don't stir up unnecessary emotions.
- Because once you start, you know it starts building up. The next time he does something that causes you to stop and think, you link it back to the previous seemingly innocent incident and suddenly it all made sense! He likes you because he offered you a Mentos during sermon.
- You don't come across desperate and paranoid.

Disadvantages:
- This is not taking into account that the guy might genuinely like you, because the longer it goes, his hints/actions should get increasingly obvious. To brush it off again and again is just rather ignorant.
- Is it a pessimistic life of view? Lower expectations, lesser hurt at the end. Cushioning your landing in case there is a fall? Is this just a self-preservation, a defence mechanism?

Hard isn't it? I'll throw this in the air. And let us know what you think. (:

ETA by Sodabug:

I'm a self-confessed fan of sticking your head in the sand until the guy forcefully pulls it out. Let's face it, if you're female, you have what's called "female intuition" and guesses are that you already knew something was going on. It's like the ostrich sticking its head in the sand with its ass in the air and just knowing that the leopard is 2cm away, panting into the poor ostrich's feathers. Of course, this won't work if said guy has the acting skills of Robert Downey Jnr or James McAvoy.

LIFE-day Tuesdays: Having a sister who is the same size as you.

There is a fine line between sharing clothes and being the freeloader living in the next room. Speaking from experience in having 2 sisters living in the same house, I feel emboldened to say that sharing clothes is almost a pre-requisite to even using the word "sister". Talk to Liz, I borrow stuff from her all the time. However, she rarely borrows anything I own (because my taste is about two years out of date). We're almost the exact same size and sometimes, if I can't find something, I'll hop into her room to see if inspiration strikes. There is always the breaking point though, there are just some things that we instinctively know we can't borrow. Like her $200 shoes or the new dress I haven't worn yet.

These are the rules. A) the other person needs to have worn it before and B) you have to ask to borrow if the value of said item is worth over $100.

There also needs to be reciprocation. In my case, reciprocation isn't exactly worth anything to Liz cos she wears high-class items and I wear vintage (read: second-hand retro). She doesn't touch clothes like that with a 10-foot pole.

So how to make borrowing your sister's clothes fair? There are other ways. Jewellery and bags! SHOES. I buy those items instead and Liz borrows them. I help her alter her clothes and give her my "designer's eye" over outfits etc. There are the usual good steward things as well like taking care of the clothes and placing them back from whence they came (something I'm absolutely dreadful at). I am trying though! I guess good stewardship is something we all have to learn, more so with our sisters' stuff because they know where you sleep at night. It's all about keeping the peace at home- and tripling your wardrobe.

Don't have sisters, either here or biologically? You have a whole network at church haha. There's gotta be someone who is the same size shoe/clothes as you! What are the odds that no-one is your size?

MAN-day Mondays: Friends or more?

On Mondays, we hear from the guys. 

We hear representatives from the brotherhood and their manly perspectives about things that may or may not concern us. But I admit, because we love our brothers, we listen and pay attention. (: And as always, no names mentioned, but thank you (you know who) for your valuable and very MANLY insight. :D

* This whole post is from online chat logs. And yes, permission is sought and granted. (:

* Grey parts are my parts of the conversation.



What defines whether that dinner on a Tuesday night is a date, or just a time to hang out with a girl one-on-one. And since it's so complicated, why bother at the first place?

"Intent.

I suppose you could name a couple of elements that constitute 'the line' between having a date and a one on one hangout with the opposite sex, and location is not one of them. Because sure the place you're at could be intimate, but really its just a place and innocently you can hang out as friends.

I think it comes down to what you're both thinking at the time. It can be one sided in the sense that:

1) Girl thinks its cool and we're hanging out
2) Guy thinks its a date

The guy has purposed in his mind that their meeting is a date, but the girl has other ideas. So is it a date? It is not. There must be a meeting of the minds when it comes down to the situation in question. (And thats just borrowing a line from contract law. *A contract doesnt exist between two parties unless there is a meeting of the minds and consideration of the offer.)

When viewed through a relational lens the mere fact you're at a romantic spot enjoying dinner in the quiet company of each other does not result in a date. Besides I've been on 'intimate dinners' with friends (girls) before and it certainly wasnt a date because there was the mutual understanding that it was just a catchup dinner to hang out.

Therefore, intent/purpose/understanding - thats what i think."

"So will there be a pre-hangout talk about where both parties are?"

"No pre-hangout talk needed."

"Because I know we all go out hangout one-on-one without saying anything (Many times at that as well). But looking back, and after knowing better, it isn't good (for lack of a better word) for two people to go out, one expecting more than the other."

"That is also true. It puts a strain on the relationship when there is uneven expectations - one party wants more from the other, the other has no clue.

I guess it depends on the person doing the asking out too. Every guy operates differently, but u get some who are very straightforward and sincere. "___________, would you like to have dinner with me tonight" His delivery, tone, where he says it, how he says it - that should be enough of a hint. If the girl doesnt get it, well.. hahaha dang. Too bad. But sometimes we miss those visual cues amongst other things."

"But how about one-on-one hangouts? You have to say, unless both of you know full well that its a just-friends between you, the girl will definitely lean towards the 'why is he asking me out one-on-one?' 'is he interested?'"

"And thats where it gets difficult. Girls do like to read into things like guys but really its just unrealistic for us to put a disclaimer out there every time we want to hang out with a friend."

"I guess perhaps that is when the idea of not hanging out with someone of the opposite sex unless you are dating seemed rather feasible. You have to admit, spending time one-on-one can very easily escalate to a lot more other stuff that neither parties are ready for. Not that it WILL, but its just putting each other in a very vulnerable position."

"And we hear about it all the time - about being accountable and having the transparency in the relationship, telling someone where you're going and who with.

A lot of it depends on the person though. Person A wants to hang out with person B. Person A wants to hang out, but person B reads into it and develops feelings. That's when it sucks. But i suppose you just have to pray about these things.

Can u choose who u fall for? Is it ordained? If the other person can keep their feelings in check, why cant you? and so on."

"Isn't it just easier to not go out then, if you dont intend to further the rship any further than it is at."

"Maybe I come from more of a liberal background, that I see great value in spending time with a friend; whether guy or girl it's irrelevant. If there is the understanding between the two that its for something purposeful then I'm all for it.

But the key word there is understanding.

I might understand but the girl might not. That's where my responsibility comes in to make sure she knows fully well that it is just to hang out, and vice versa. To avoid doing it altogether is a sad loss indeed."

---

Post-post post from E:

I have to say, this is one good post. 

I had a very similar conversation with a guy friend some time ago - also on the difference between a date and just-hanging-out (except he was asking the questions and I was struggling to come up with answers that weren't stupid/fake/trite.) So it has been a HUGE relief (and very heartening) to read this interview and hear a guy give exactly the same answer to this question that I did. It's always good to know that it's not just a "one-sided" perception. 

Or, to repackage all that into one sentence: Some words are the same in both Martian and Venusian.

HOW-TO Fridays: How to tell a girl she has a wardobe malfunction

Thanks to Janet Jackson at the Superbowl a few years ago, the phrase "wardrobe malfunction" has entered the lexicons of social use. Unsightly bra strap, skirt tucked up into your underwear (actually, any underwear on show at all), broken buckles, smeared make-up, tags appearing and of course- the ever-present undone fly. They happen, regardless of our best intentions and all the Hollywood tape you can buy. Highly embarrassing in public, even worse in the presence of authority, someone you like and a room full of uncles and aunties who have no shame at all in pointing it out. Trust me.

So how do you inform someone that they haven't actually grabbed the tube of clear lipgloss and instead have liberally applied lipstick to their mouths and have ended up looking like a female Joker? Discreetly would be nice. There's nothing as comforting as having another girl sidle up to you and tell you under her breath that your first 4 buttons are undone on your top and then shield you to give you the space you need to uhh, adjust yourself. Tact. Mmm, tact would be nice =) You know you've been through it before- pass on the favour and tell that perfect stranger about the toilet paper stuck to her shoe/behind/handbag.

How to tell a guy he has a wardrobe malfunction? Tell another guy to tell him =) He won't want to hear it from the hot girl he's been looking at for the past 15 minutes because she was giving him a "look" from across the room.

"We're cultured!" Thursdays: Little Women the Movie

Little Women (1994)

115 minutes
Big Names include: Winona Ryder, Christian Bale, Kirsten Dunst, Claire Danes

Why I watched it: Elaine lent it to me. And I knew that I watched it when I was 6 or 7. And yesss it deserves a fresh review. (All I remember from watching it then was the part where Jo burnt Meg's locks.)

What it's about: Adapted from the classic novel Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, it is about a family of 4 girls, growing up, falling in love, and stuff. It's sweet, it's sad, it's funny, and Christian Bale's in it.

What I like about it: Christian Bale is hawt. Winona Ryder (who plays Jo) was good at playing Jo and portraying the free spiritedness and that flying temper that Professor Bhaer kinda tames aftewards.

What I didn't like about it: My favourite parts of the book include the grandfather/granddaughter between Mr Lawrence and Beth. But the movie didn't really play on that. Sure there's a lot of time limitations and all that to a movie, but yeaaa.

Trivia: Winona Ryder was with Johnny Depp(of the Pirates. *swoon. black eyeliner FTW!) for a while.

Johnny Depp's arm used to read Winona Forever but after they broke up, it now reads Wino Forever. Let that be a lesson kids.

Christian Bale was only 20 when he did this film, and on his Christmas break, he went snowboarding and came back as tan as anything- they had to delay filming whilst he lost his tan. Lol.and winona's the name of someone's bass guitar. haha.

The popcorn carton is 4/5 full. Only because I was hungry. Wheeeeee.

RATING SYSTEM: Full box= good film. We liked the film so much we didn't bother to eat the popcorn because we were too engrossed in the film.

perceptions

This is an actual conversation I heard today at work.

"I'm not feeling that cold, maybe it's cos of my tan..."

*cue head thunking onto table*

See, it's conversations like this that make me kind of frustrated because it just solidifies the social stigma of stupid women. Trust me, there are guys out there who exploit girls like this. There are guys out there who believe that this is all women are. When faced with an intelligent woman, they don't know what to do.

I guess there's no advice except to recognise and avoid guys who "won't date any chick whose ass is bigger than both my hands spread out". No kidding, that was also an actual example. Is it any wonder in this day and age that the pressure to be malleable to guys is so strong? I'm not saying don't submit because we all have to submit, but at least have integrity.

It goes back to the curse at the beginning, in Genesis 3:

16 To the woman he said,"I will greatly increase your pains in
childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

If we substitute "husband" for man, we basically have today's culture. Society has twisted and mutilated this into something that resembles a disease really. Think about it. Women will do some humiliating and terrible things for male attention. Heels that damage our backs and posture! Bleach that kills our hair because of the misconception that gentlemen prefer blondes. Do I really have to mention porn and the sex industry?

What can we do? I say we look for role models. Girls to be taught young that there's more to life than make-up and clothes. Women that support each other instead of tearing one another down. There's tonnes I could write about this but I'll just let thoughts simmer for a bit.

Comment on what you'd like to see discussed here =) Yes, we also do fun stuff. I plan on having a post all about how to punch like a man. Among others hahaha..

promo

This is going to be awesome. We dedicate this blog to Jesus, who teaches us to love like true women, loves us like true women and is the best boyfriend/husband/lover/teacher in all existence.

start

this is a blog for cool awesome girls in love and on fire for God.

and also for the rather g33ky ones like us. :D