HOW-TO Fridays: How to take a compliment

In an Asian society, we're conditioned to downplay things. Like compliments! Admit it, the first thing you say when somebody says, "You're looking especially nice today" is "Noo, it's a bad day today/Who are you looking at?/Are you blind?"

Part of being a confident, well-put-together woman is learning how to take compliments graciously though. It's considered poor form to reject a compliment in order to get more ("oh this old thing", "no, really, it looks great on you!") and even worse form to think the other person is stupid for offering said compliment. It's not about being arrogant and thinking that you're hot stuff, it's all in how you take the compliment.

1. Say thank you. Even if you don't share their sentiment, thank them for thinking so.
2. Return one of your own. Sharing is caring.
3. If you're really uncomfortable- change the subject. Make sure that you've acknowledged the compliment first though!
4. Share the love. If there were other team members involved, give them credit as well!
5. Remember to smile. It sounds dumb but if you look down, frown, fidget when getting a compliment, all that's going to happen is that the complimenter will feel awkward for "misjudging" the situation.
   

Why do people negate compliments directed their way? It can be any number of things. They don't want to egg the complimenter on. They feel like they're not worthy. They have low self-esteem and consider compliments to be thinly veiled put-downs. It's nice to get compliments though but you know whats nicer? Giving sincere compliments =)

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Beyond Culture

At the point of writing, I've just landed in hot and humid Singapore for less than 3 hours. Overnight flights are no jokes friend - unless you can sleep upright or something, don't attempt to do so. (Of course stay caffeinated like me throughout the day and you may survive till the end of today.)

So there here is it, perhaps as a sequel to my post on Tuesday, where I talked about cultures and how being open to change and experiencing cultures from a foreign land is such a rewarding experience.

Stuff that transcends cultures

- Music. There is always a music element in every community, a friend and I were trying to describe how music can grab you, change your mood, and I believe that is not limited to emo punk songs, or classical music set in minor keys. Every culture has their own unique music and instruments, but the message it conveys, and the emotions evoked through the music is something that can transcend language barriers and geographical locations.

- Food. Need I say more? Although cultures everywhere are so diverse, everyone eats (duh!). And food becomes a way to learn about the culture of the country, and being able to appreciate the delicacies a culture can bring (e.g. durian FTW!) makes it a connection between any locals and foreigners.

- Friends. After 10 months in Perth, I will definitely vouch for the fact that difference in cultures and heritage will not deter any godly relationship from being made and flourishing. Even for Jess and I, being totally different (She's Aussie and I'm Singaporean, she's Viet and I'm Chinese, and when it comes to character, it is true that we are pretty much opposites.) did not deter us from having one of the most awesome friendship ever.

- God. The fact is that everyone has a spirit and that spirit has a God-shaped vacuum that needs to be filled. And God transcends through every culture to fill up that hole. 'Nuff said. (:


There are a lot of other things that can transcend cultures I'm sure, but I'm keeping it short today because it's the 21st birthday of yours truly and being back home, I should be spending more time with the family. So leave your thoughts in the comments and share more warm and fuzzy stuff with each other. (:

Cheers.

I <3 Wednesdays: Yet not one of them is forgotten

How do you feel (single readers particularly) when you notice a caring couple and the guy puts his jacket around the girl because he noticed she crossed her arms to keep warm? And what about when he gets her a plate of food before he gets his own or buys a gift for no reason other than to make the other smile? Part of me thinks that it’s really sweet and gets all warm and fluffy inside…

Perhaps though, if I allow myself to be honest, there is another part that is whispering, “I want to be in a relationship too…”

Yet thinking more about it I realized that it was only a subset of what I desired and the truth is my heart was crying out, “TAKE CARE OF ME!”

Briefly self pity snuck in because there’s no special person (yet) taking care of me, but thankfully the self pity was short lived and pushed out of the scene with the realization that this desire to be taken care of transcended human relationships. In fact, God has been in control and attending to this particularly female heart desire the whole time…

"Rest assured, I already am."

Then I identified another big subsection – there was a part that was calling out, “protect me!”

How awesome is our God cos even before I finished asking, the response was repeated, “I already am.”

Dear ones, though you might think the grass is greener over in another stage of life, don’t believe any deceptive whispers, for the truth is that we will Never lack!

All that we need is all being taken care of for they don’t call God Almighty, All-knowing and All-loving for nothing!

“…Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.” Luke 12:6a

And just another thing for you... Never believe that life is boring for there’s no greater thing than living out your calling. Great abundance for you was bought with love. Every good gift is a gift from above. Let’s remember life’s full of gems, so open your eyes and look out for them ;)



Today's post is brought to you by the blogger Jasmine and the secret message hidden within =) +10,000 to you if you can find it!

LIFE-Day Tuesdays: Alter-worlds

Around this time last year, my cousin and I were preparing for our studies here in Perth. In many of our pre-departure conversations, we talked about how we know that because life in Perth is going to be so different. So different, that we have to create an alter-world out of it.

We looked at the vast differences and concluded that there is no way we can fit into this place unless we totally change ourselves. Therefore, the only solution was to treat Perth was an alter-world, and to recreate ourselves into someone who will fit in that alter-world. (And I presumed we were looking at sporting an Aussie accent and although not know what a FOB is then, to shed our fobbiness and fit right in.)

One year from then, which is now, I looked back and realised how that can never happen - we can't live a huge part of our lives for 3 whole years pretending to be in a place or a person that ain't real. We have to be real people, and that is not just because it is tiring to pretend.

Real in our behaviour, real with our friends.


International students probably can identify the best with this, but for anyone, moving into a new season in life, attending or transferring into a new school, or just anyone who finds themselves in a new circumstance or environment you've never been before, because we are compelled by our insecurities to portray yourself as someone you think others will like. And from that, continue to hide your real person behind the mask of who you are pretending to be.

I encourage you, dear sisters, to trust God, open yourself up and embrace the changes that will make you a better person.

Indeed humans are always, in certain degrees, adaptable to change. And being resilient, I suppose, is built in us. All it takes is to make the decision and choose to embrace the changes and let it mold you into someone better.

It took a lot I suppose, but being open to the changes that come and being willing to learn about a new culture, a new place, the only one that benefits is you. Throughout this year, I've seen star-filled skies night after night right outside my room, I've seen more blue skies than I've seen my whole life in Singapore (too many buildings lah) and I've had such deep beautiful fulfilling friendships with a WHOLE new group of friends that I never thought possible ever.

But the biggest change I am proud to say I embraced, is being challenged to know God and experience Him so much more than before. It seems like a recurring message, that after you meet God face-to-face, you can never be the same. It is true, and when you get there, you don't want to settle for anything lesser anymore. You come out of it changed, into a better person.


We should all desire this kind of changes, because in 10, 20, 30 years' time, or at the end, our outer beauty will fade away, and what makes us beautiful will be what we have inside that radiates out.

Besides, with God in the picture and in total control of your life, the changes He puts in it will be the ones that will slowly mold us to become more and more like Him. Yes, I only ask to open yourself up, and trust Him - because He's got the best plans for your life. (Jeremiah 29:11 FTW!)

Intermission

An apology to all beloved SFTW readers,

We have been busy with exams and events coming on for the past few days, and the next few days to come. Therefore, posts might be posted slightly later, but don't worry we will not skip days - by God's grace we will not!

Meanwhile, still come by, look through the archives and comment away! We love to hear from you guys anytime. (:

Also, if there's anything you would like us to discuss about, or thoughts for us to 'chew on', do not hesitate to contact either one of us via email or comments.


xoxo Ange & Jess



Ange - potsandkisses@gmail.com
Jess - sodabug@gmail.com

MAN-Day Mondays: Right Hand Man

Today’s post I foresee will be very brief. Unlike my previous stint where the thoughts were brewing and fermenting in my head for a few days, this is just a simple idea that came about from my quiet time with God the other night.

As I was praying and letting my thoughts “drift” not too dissimilar to Jon Accuff of SCL fame, I sense that I was hearing God from my left side. And I found that really peculiar and remarked it to Him, and God replies:

“It’s cause you are at my right hand...”

Just to put things in perspective, if your visual spatial reasoning isn’t all that great (you know that is the case if you need to turn the road map around as you drive the car to get your sense of direction ;)), if you’re positioned on the right of the person facing the same way, you would hear his/her voice from your left.

Anyway that knowledge alone evoked a mixture of feelings within me. Primarily it assured me that God trusts and empowers me. This truth is just as applicable to me as it is to you my dear reader, we are after all called His sons and daughters. And symbolically, the right hand of a person represents power and authority. Thus if you’re someone’s right hand man, that same power and authority is vested in you.

However as God’s right hand man, that power and authority only comes out of obedience to Him. Learning how to agree with what He has asked of you, and abiding to His word can be no easy feat. It will definitely be tougher if your vision and God’s is not aligned. Your eyes need to be set in the same direction as God’s for you to be at His right hand and to hear his Voice from your left. But I believe it is a virtuous cycle, because as you obey you attain greater power and authority allowing you to trust and obey God for the seemingly more difficult things.

To the ladies, please bear in mind I am not discriminating as I say right hand man. Please hear me out. Woman was created to be man’s helper from the beginning of time thus until the day comes when you can hang out on the right arm of your hubby, remain true to God’s infinitely more powerful one!

With that said, my right arm is pretty bare at the moment. Any takers?


Any takers please let me know, and I'll give you Jem's CV and number. (:

HOW-TO Fridays: How to be a friend during exams

I'm fortunate enough to have so many good friends around me that I can write with confidence on this topic. Friendships. Hard enough to maintain usually, how much harder is it when exam time comes and everything else is pushed to the back burner until those exams are over? Generalising terribly but as Asians, it sometimes feels that the pressure is even more so because of familial/social pressures to do well in our academics. That's where you get the anti-social Asians sitting in corners in the library plugged into iPods and not moving or venturing out into daylight until exam day.

So, how to keep your friends and sanity so that you still have them post-examination?

1/ Be a listener. Don't launch into a full scale rant about how your lecturer is an asshole and uni is being so unfair by not giving you more time etc when you know that your friend has one more huge exam to go and its in the morning. When they come to you, eyes bloodshot, go get them a coffee and ask them how they're going. Which brings me to point 2.

2/ Be the happy bearer of legally addictive stimulants. Everybody loves a coffee-bearer and if they don't drink coffee, offer them tea, Red Bull or V. Hold back on alcohol though because as my med sister and nutritionist friend will tell you, those are depressives and will not help your studies at all. AT ALL.

3/ Remember when their big dates are. The night before or the morning of, send them a message (NOT a call unless warranted because who wants to be stuck in a phone call whe you're busy trying to find notes and such?) just to reassure them that they're gonna be OK. Do not forget and rock up to their place with a 6-pack and a DVD the night before wanting to celebrate that your own assessments are over.

4/Keep a weather eye on them. This means checking up occasionally through their blog/Facebook/Myspace/MSN nickname that they're still alive. If you see"Joe Bloggs is ARGH DIEDIE DIEDLSAJNFLSFEF !@>,SDMF2@3LRJSDNFSVFKV!!!!!!!", then perhaps a msg to ask if they're OK wouldn't be amiss.

5/ Random gifts. Nothing made me smile like receiving a badge with "I CAN'T I HAVE REHEARSAL" from E and Ange. Doesn't have to be big at all- it can be as small as a Freddo Frog (after all, chocolate is always good).

6/ Prayer. The number of times I've received a message from a very good friend during my toughest times telling me that it's gonna be OK and that they're praying for me, I can never repay the help that it's given me. You don't even have to tell them because well, God's doing all the good stuff isn't He?

7/ Know when to step in. If they're running themselves ragged, go to their house, knock on the door and they open it, club them over the head and drag them either out for coffee and a break or into bed where they should sleep. However, I am the last person you should take advice about sleep from.

Exams come and go but if you end up with honours/dux/top of class/chancellor's list and you have no one to share it with, what's the point?

All the best to those left with exams and I'll be joining you very shortly to those who are already done. YAY FOR 2008 ACADEMIC YEAR BEING OVER!

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: The Jane Austen novels - Beyond the Darcy's.

(Picture from here)

There is always at least one Jane Austen novel in any given list of Top 10 books (and according to The Telegraph, at least three in the Top 100), and it's not just because she created some of fiction's most dashing heroes.

The simple truth is, Miss Austen knew how to write. Here are some of the reasons her novels are still so well-loved 200 years down the road. (Disclaimer: This is in no way meant to be a comprehensive critique of the novels!)

1. Her character sketches.

She penned the sort of people most of us want to be (Lizzie Bennetts and Frederick Wentworths), the ones that most of us are (Catherine Morland), and the ones that nobody wants to be (Lady Catherine de Bourgh, Mr Collins). She made them real people - no character was ever too good to be true or too wicked to live. If anything, you find yourself charmed by a character despite their faults, or wondering why you can't like a particularly virtuous heroine.

"She was sensible and clever, but eager in everything; her sorrows, her joys could have no moderation. She was generous, amiable, interesting: she was everything but prudent."

- Sense and Sensibility -

"No one who had ever seen Catherine Morland in her infancy would have supposed her born to be an heroine... She was fond of all boy's plays, and greatly preferred cricket not merely to dolls, but to the more heroic enjoyments of infancy, nursing a dormouse, feeding a canary-bird, or watering a rose-bush."

- Northanger Abbey -

2. A glimpse into another world.

The unknown is always fascinating, and now-defunct customs, fashion and lifestyles are no exception. Compared with the t-shirts-and-jeans of today and the global 9-5 rat-race, morning calls and evening balls are luxuries most of us only dream of.

"They were in the ball-room, the violins were playing, and her mind was in a flutter that forbad its fixing on anything serious."

- Mansfield Park -

3. Wit and a lively sense of the ridiculous.

Jane Austen wasn't merely good at describing pretty parties. She had a great sense of humour, and her books are loaded with witty repartee:

"Indeed, Mr Bennet," said she, "it is very hard to think that Charlotte Lucas should ever be mistress of this house, that I should be forced to make way for her, and live to see her take my place in it!"

"My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that I may be the survivor."

- Pride and Prejudice -

4. Her prose.

Sure, the writings of the 19th century tended to be a little.. wordy.. But lengthiness notwithstanding, she wrote some of the best lines the world has ever seen.

(i) Wordplay.

These four sentences say it all:

"Me? Yes; I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible."

"Bravo! An excellent satire on modern language."

- Northanger Abbey -

(ii) Gentle irony.

She could always make you laugh.. and then think.

".. professing myself moreover convinced that the general's unjust interference, so far from being really injurious to their felicity, was perhaps rather conducive to it, by improving their knowledge of each other, and adding strength to their attachment, I leave it to be settled, by whomsoever it may concern, whether the tendency of this work be altogether to recommend parental tyranny, or reward filial disobedience."

- Northanger Abbey -

(iii) Wisdom.

In one or two neatly composed lines, she could pick out a commonly accepted aspect of society and point out the loopholes in it:

"My idea of good company, Mr Elliot, is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company."

"You are mistaken," said he gently, "that is not good company, that is the best."

- Persuasion -

5. Lessons learnt from memorable scenes (or the lack thereof).

Yes, Miss Austen wrote novels about life within the ranks of the "idle rich" but there are lessons that can be learnt from her books:

(i) Knowing your worth (or in Christianese: "Knowing your identity in Christ").

There is a scene between Lizzie and Lady Catherine (in Pride and Prejudice) where Lady Catherine repeatedly insults Lizzie because her family is comparatively poor and not of the nobility:

"..what is to divide them? The upstart pretensions of a young woman without family, connections, or fortune. Is this to be endured! But it must not, shall not be. If you were sensible of your own good, you would not wish to quit the sphere in which you have been brought up.''

Most of us, in the same position, would be indignant, but rather crushed by such venom. Not Miss Bennet; she holds her head high and delivers this reply:

"In marrying your nephew, I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere. He is a gentleman; I am a gentleman's daughter; so far we are equal."

God kind of pointed this one out to me, that as His children, whenever the enemy torments us about what we are or have been, we can reply that we are God's children. And so like Lizzie, we can stand with our heads held high because no matter our current circumstances, nothing changes the fact that we are joint co-heirs with Christ.

(ii) You're never too awful to be lovable.

No other character in an Austen novel - I repeat, no other - can beat Emma for annoying-ness. (By page three, I wanted to take a cosh to her head.) No one knew this better than the excellent Mr. Knightley, who in fact, spent much of the novel pointing this fact out to her. But get this - despite all her faults, there was no other girl for him but her:

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. But you know what I am. -You hear nothing but truth from me. - I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other woman in England would have borne it."

- Emma -

(Kudos to God for likewise pointing this one out to me.)

(iii) No matter how bad things are, take heart and know that it won't last forever.

(This is the "or lack thereof" mentioned above. )

Best line in Mansfield Park:

Finis.

(E suffers from a severe form of bookaholism and can only be extracted with great difficulty from libraries and bookshops. No English students were harmed in the composition of this post.)

I <3 Wednesdays: Poll - Why are you (still) single?

The first SFTW poll! (Because we want to hear from you, and because I'm having exams and need to study much harder than I am doing so right now for it.)

The question is simple, and we get asked it time and time again, and often by relatives who see you once a year during Chinese New Year or something - 'Why are you (still) single?' and the variations of it such as 'So, any boy/girlfriend yet?' and 'How's the love life?'. Sodabug- Or, as a certain family member asked me, "Are you a lesbian?" There's also the variations of "You're leaving it a bit late aren't you?" and "All the good ones will have gone! Better hurry up!" Even worse are the tried and true "You know, I know this guy(girl) at work/church/friend's son(daughter)/neighbour's aunty's brother-in-law's girl/boy- he's very nice they say...." As you can tell, I'm at that age. 

Many times we just laugh it off or joke about it, saying 'Ah, bo lang ai lah' (Nobody wants me). But what IS the real reason? SFTW promises not to tell your relatives. (:

As polls are, they are anonymous. And just for this poll, we ask especially for the singles to vote. - For that, it includes all the authors of this blog. OHMYGOODNESS!

Vote away!

poll by twiigs.com

LIFE-day Tuesdays: Beauty

Admiring Herself

“All beautiful you are, my darling.”
Song of Songs 4:7a

I didn’t used to think I was.

What changed?

I found out that God thinks I am… therefore I am.

A few months ago, all these things happened which really sealed and sent the message home... even with my cautious cap on, these aren't events I could dismiss. A prophet came to speak to our church and spoke the anointing of beauty over me. I was having some one-on-one time with God and when I flipped open my bible the words above from Song of Songs jumped out at me… considering this book is only 3 pages long in my bible, that’s some pretty pin point 'random' flipping… One more, someone I don't know (who wasn't old, drunk or seedy) walked up to me and looks me in the eye and says “you're beautiful” and then walks away. Okay, I don’t know about you, but that has never happened to me before - I believe it’s all part of God’s message.

So I asked myself – why? What is it that makes me? And I learnt some things.. and I am still learning.

It is about being, not just about looking
You ARE beautiful, you don't just look beautiful.. I think they're different but overlapping. So even on your worst hair, oily face, booger coming out of your nose day, you are still beautiful.

It is not dependent on what others see
Let's take an analogy – say there is a millionaire and he walks out of his house and down the street wearing slippers and shorts. A passerby sees him and doesn't think he's particularly rich or of much inheritance. However, despite what anyone thinks, it doesn't change the fact that he is actually a millionaire. Imagine if he said, 'Oh, they don't think I'm rich so I'm not...' – it's just ridiculous! So its the same with beauty, 'People don't think I'm beautiful so I'm not' ?
No, God says so. So you ARE.

God has made us so, it's nothing we’ve done by ourselves
It's another expression of His grace...

If you put on 20 kg, you would still be beautiful.
If you lost your hair, you would still be beautiful.
If your teeth turned yellow and started to fall out, you would still be beautiful.
If your legs grew extremely hairy, almost like shaggy pants, you would still be beautiful.
If all of the above happened? :) yes. Still.


Why? Because I believe those things.. looks/appearance isn't really why we are beautiful.

Hair that wipes the feet of Jesus
Head that is bowed in reverence
Eyes that look to His
Ears that listen for His voice
Hands that are uplifted in worship
Arms that bring comfort
Heart that loves the Lord
Indwelling of God’s Holy Spirit
Knees that kneel in the presence of God
Feet that bring good news

Perhaps beauty as God sees it, just like worship, comes from the inside out and the outward is a reflection of the inward.

And if that’s the case, things that girls do: make up, hair styling, wanting to lose weight.. is there something wrong with this? I don’t think so, as long as you know it’s not going to make you any more beautiful...


...So what does?

I really believe: spending time with the Lord makes us more beautiful.

The more time we spend by him, in his Word and in His Presence, we are molded and changed to be more humble, sensitive, loving, peaceful, secured, reassured, romanced, rested, graceful and thankful.

Have you had your beauty treatments today? :)


O Lord, thank you for making and forming, molding and shaping us to who we are today. Thank you for your promises and your best plans for us. Please continue your good works in all your saints!


Jasmine is a beautiful, beautiful person both inside and outside, and an amazing sister who also spurs us on in the walk we are taking. Her love story with Christ inspires and encourages me to fall in love with Him as well. Thanks for guest blogging this week while Jess and I have big assessments this week! <3

MAN-Day Mondays: Of Monsters & Men

"What makes a man, is it the woman in his arms?
Just 'cos she has big titties
Or is it the way, he fights everyday?
No it's probably the titties.."
- Now You're a Man by DVDA

I'm semi-apologetic for the use of the taboo word "titties", but not so much as I think as Christians we can be a little bit too uptight at times. Having said that, I know and recognise how it can be a demeaning word to my sisters.

But it did get your attention (I'm hoping)

You see, I don't think men were meant to be boring, much less Christian men.

So with respect to this, I will be borrowing some videos from the very wonderful as cities burn, to prove a point, and perhaps to share some of the manliest lyrics I've come across. Lyrics that portray a vulnerability, sensitivity and all round chest-beating roar of intensity of this clear call to be the very best of "man" that we can be. (caution: if your idea of Christian music is limited to the tried-and-tested "worship" formula, give the videos a miss.. but if you have a sense of adventure.. take a walk on the wild side with how some musicians share their faith.)

I'm writing today's post to attempt to offer some insights and guidelines, of what it means to find your masculine identity in God, personal reflection and some counter-culture (because mainstream culture is ultimately what emasculates us blokes).

the woman you love


So many times, we've bought into this whole Hollywood fairy tale of what it means to be a man. Look at any leading male.. he saves the day and gets the girl. Look at MTV, if you're a hot rockstar or hip-hop artiste, you're surrounded by a bevy of girls. In fact, one might equate your success to the number of women (or the hotness of the leading lady) to your success. Don't deny it, you know what I'm talking about. We've all liked the hottest girl in school once in our lives.. we might be thinking: "Hey.. if she goes out with me, I can't be so bad.. or hell..I might even be hot property!"

It may not be so obvious on the first veneer of our carefully constructed identities. But if that's what you believe, or have believed makes you who you are.. it is a house of cards.

Physical beauty fades, we say "I love you" when we don't know what it means.. using it more for our own selfish identity than being sacrificial, and especially when we live our lives vicariously through the woman who pours her love out to us.

cue first video:


"am i a monster?
when i sink my teeth into her?
when i don't love her?
when i don't love you forgive me darling..
but love has nothing to do with this
it has nothing to do with how i can't stop
till i get what i want from you
- terrible! how terrible for the great city! by As Cities Burn

As men, we aren't made whole by the female company we keep, or at least the relationships we seem to rush head-first into. Remember, Eve was borne from Adam's rib. We sacrifice for that helper and companion.. You can't say you've loved till you've sacrificed, not gotten anything back in return, and still.. you love in the capacity that doesn't always end in that fairytale ending. Forgive me for being bleak.. but the majority of the emotions I face as a man, seem to be embodied in the above lyrics.. "till i get what i want from you"

impossibly broken
In places that not even we know. Hurts that we've covered up, brushed aside, anything to help us fit into the archetypal male. And no.. I'm not just talking about strong silent types.. I'm also talking about the jokers, the smilers, the ragers, the quiet.. anything that we as men lapse into a comfort zone to not need to deal with.

The next line of "terrible! how terrible for the great city!" goes something like this (it's the part that's being screamed over.)

"this is what real men keep quiet
it doesn't exist if you can hide it
behind your teeth and sleep
next to your wife
whom you love too much to tell her
that you don't love her at all..."

The one thing I love about this song, is that it doesn't hide anything. There are no cryptic, poetic metaphors to infer meaning. No, this is an almost unbridled cry of desperation, of something all men face on some level.

mistakes.
the romance dying out.
the carnal flesh.
denial.
being more than we are.
living by a standard set by surrounding forces.

But somehow, I don't think that's all there is to it. Especially as Christians, we're so good at just being good. But what about our struggles? What about the times we've fallen, lusted after the flesh, money, power, acceptance, approval, compromised.. the list is endless.. I'm not saying we should celebrate these things, but imagine if we couldn't lie, or we all had our Jonathans (a reference to one of King David's closest friends and confidants.)

putting it all back together
We should be real people, with real problems, real sins, real obstacles, real "there's no way i'm going to heaven moments after I've done this." moments. And trust me.. I'm not talking about murder or the consumption of banned chemical substances.. simple things like lying to your friend to not hurt their feelings. It's a tall order.

My point is this: our identity as Christians isn't about being good, it's about being saved.

Romans 5:8
And Christ demonstrates his love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

We don't make ourselves Christians. We surrender ourselves in reckless abandon to the one saving hope of a second chance, begging for mercy at the feet of He that sits upon the throne, that we not be judged, or cast away.

That is who we are as Christians. Dirty rotten scum, with no hope of tomorrow, where everything we touch turns to dust.. and yet, by some sheer power of grace and love, we were embraced into forgiveness and salvation. And that doesn't make us better than anyone, morally more correct.. we don't have all the answers, but at least we have the answer to a spiritual condition of modern man that has filled his life up with everything else but God.

cue second video:


"they say that good boys walk straight on white lines
and good boys keep their livers clean and smoke out of their lungs
because it's all about what you've done
good boys don't make mistakes to learn from

because when heaven comes
they won't get caught being young

grace, make your way to the well
to those who deserve it
because after all they've earned it
vain, it's in vain
because they don't need it"
-The Hoard by As Cities Burn

epilogue
Is it hard being Christian today? Damn straight it is, when your morals and stands are brought into question by the media, by post-modern culture, by open-mindedness, by anything that is the status quo of modern society. That God is dead, has no place in schools, culture or society.. It's persecution on a much deeper level than just physical death. But somehow, I'd rather have it this way, it'd be too easy if we were all in some church-y bubble of fake smiles, "thanks I'm doing fine" and being good christians because that's what everybody else is doing.

We are who we are, male or female not because we're following what each other is doing, christian or otherwise.. but the compulsion that comes from salvation, and a purpose that could only come from the King of Kings.

And being a manly man? It comes from knowing who you are in your God-given identity. That's an adventure that lasts a lifetime. Love God, love those in your life, love right, and don't hide it. -) I think we can all afford to wear our hearts on sleeves a little more, learn to be vulnerable, mean what we say, love till it breaks our mortal vessels, but allow the most perfect Love of all to course through our veins, and to know this same love ever so intimately.


Brian is a Singaporean blogger who has kept me company numerous times late into the night with his deep and insightful observations on life and love. It's kind of creepy because he can read my mind all the way across the oceans and things seem to happen to us at the same time i.e meeting new people, struggling with similar issues etc. He's one mean bass player, effortlessly cool, tech-savvy, a very good sounding board and the best of virtual beer drinking buddies. To be continued once he's in Australia again =) -Sodabug

HOW-TO Fridays: Exams

It's exam season now, and of course we do a post on exams! I'm going to rattle off stuff that we should and should not do during this period to keep our sanity and limit brainfried-ness to a tolerable level.

1. Don't leave it to the last minute.
Been there, done that. Way too many times. It's not fun, you panick, and you feel absolutely not ready to kill that paper, and even when you want to pray for God to help you with your paper, you remember that you didn't put much effort into. Of course unless with valid reason, and facebook-ing is not a valid reason. =x

2. Sleep.
Yes, I'm preaching sleep, especially if your papers are in the morning. It is like pumping petrol. You can't run the car with the best turbo engines in the world if you don't have petrol in it. Same theory.

3. Take breaks.
Short breaks, coffee breaks, tea breaks. Not only do you take your mind off the books for a bit, you recharge the body with energy. Of course, only resort to coffee and red bull if desperate. If not, eat fresh food. I suppose when you let your body really relax when you're taking a break, then it is real rest.

4. Exercise.
I don't do, but I preach it. Exercise! Adrenalin rushing (lose the weight from snacking), blood pumping, think better. (Someone please expand on this point in the comments, because both Jess and I aren't fans at all.)

5. Relax.
Correlates with point 3. But a lot of relaxing and rest, comes from the fact that we have the God-given peace that surpasses all understanding. You can be forced to sit on a couch and rest and listen to Tchaikovsky for 15 minutes, but if your mind is still on that math problem you can't solve, there isn't much of a point.

6. Pray.
Over the years, I know a lot of people who skipped church during exam period so as to study. But as Pastor Russell said, "Make time for God, and He will make time for you." And when the Bible says 'Seek ye first the kingdom and all these things shall be added", it's true. You put God first, and somehow you find everything else fall into place. And sometimes even have extra time in your hands.

7. Study effectively.
Know how you study best. At home or outside? In silence or with music (seriously, classical works the best.) or with noise? Alone or with others? I suppose it comes with trial and error, but at this point of time, you probably would have realised the difference in the amount of progress you made in the different circumstances and infer what will suit you best.

8. Keep social contact.
Take a morning or an afternoon off. Meet a friend for coffee, or take a break and come online and chat for an hour or two. Keep that social contact, because these brothers and sisters, as well as family, are sources of encouragement and support that can walk with you through. Yes dears, you are not alone.

9. Reward yourself.
Set achievable goals, and reward yourself after that. It could be a bar of chocolate, or watching the latest episode of Gossip Girl, or just sleeping in another hour. Humans work so much better in an incentive system, and some psychologists should come and explain why.

10. Dress down.
It's okay to look like a hobo on study days. And mann, even if there is a guy out there you want to impress, do you want to make an impression that 'the girl is so vain that she takes so much time to dress up even so near the exam' or that 'this girl knows when to party and when to study. She's got her priorities right.'?
Of course, the last point is void if you find putting on makeup therapeutic. But I personally think that girls who can pull out a good oversized hoodie and glasses are hot.



Share your ideas and how you deal with the exams. And have a good weekend! Study hard but not too hard!

"We're Cultured!" Thursdays: Stuff Christians Like & Church Cultures.

It is interesting to see how Thursday topics have slowly evolved, to not only talk about good books, movies, music, but to also to talk about culture. (Yes it is pretty obvious when it's called "We're Cultured!" Thursdays.)

Last week Jess talked about trying to reconcile the appreciation of secular music and movies that might not agree with our Christian ethos. *Quack! Today I want to venture into church cultures, and who else better to plug than Stuff Christians Like?

From SCL - Perhaps the holiest logo ever.
on #423 Creating the holiest church logo ever.

As to time of writing, Jon Acuff has written 437 articles on stuff Christians likes. Nothing can explain the site better than the posts themselves. And here are some of my selected favourites.

#103. Singing "Our God is an Awesome God."
#125. The mandatory youth minister goatee. - LOL
#257 Eagles - we make endless jokes about worship eagles in church after reading it. Spotted worship magpie and worship pelican - both at our Freedom Church Camp this year.
#198. Orange Drink
#320. Making purple: 11 ways to stop camp kissing.
#375. Forgetting who we are.
#429. Treating God like a Juice Machine.

There is so so so many more posts there is, so take your time to read through them. It's updated daily, so you should subscribe to it, through Google reader or RSS. (RSS has to be left for another day.)


Something stuck out to me when thinking about writing this post though. We knew from the first day of this blog that a post on SCL has to surface some time, but isn't it something to think about when you see all these 'trends' sprouting out in churches EVERYWHERE?

Although I don't want to believe that all youth ministers have goatees, the existence of church cultures are undeniable. It is a group of people meeting at least once a week, cultures I suppose is natural for people to set and develop as time goes. Hierachies and traditions are slowly formed.

Don't be mistaken though. I heart SCL. And I'm not saying that SCL is going the wrong way, but instead, it is bringing to light a lot idiosyncrasies that churches has, and stuff that happens that doesn't usually get talked about in church, helping us (me in particular) to see and take note of things that I tend to put more emphasis on than I should.

Sometimes we get so caught up with how things are supposed to be, like striving to the cool kid at church, or compromising who you are to fit in and hang out with the cool crowd. Or being upset throughout service because some newcomer sat on that seat you've been sitting on for the past decade every week.

We fail to see what church is essentially about - worshiping God and fellowshipping with each other. Our perspectives get overshadowed by the way things are supposed to be. Our heart of worship get distracted by the pressure to play the right chords at the right time. Our aim to love each other with Christ's love gets distorted when we get stung with jealousy when our best friend in church decides to befriend a newcomer and sit next to her instead of you.

It is true that sometimes we end up so adamant about our church cultures, the way we 'think' things should be and how they are run, and it leaves no room for God to work in us, or that we get so clouded with the effort to keep the traditions or the new cultures we're currently trying to develop that we forget that the church is called to be a church of prayer, and a city on a hill.

I'm not asking to throw away cultures, because it is essentially our identity and finding where we belong in that local house. But I'm asking to keep ourselves in check - to keep what is most important in the church as first priority.

I <3 Wednesdays: Henpecked

Someone asked me on Sunday if when a guy gets into a relationship- does he always have to carry the girl's bag, regardless of how girly it is? I took a quick look around and to my surprise, he was right. Attached guys all over the place were sporting the latest in Gucci, Fendi, sequined, riveted, stylish, pink, purple, light green, soft and supple leather, patterned and textured bags. Woah.

How could I not notice that before? I think it's because I've never let a guy carry my bag for longer than it takes me to untangle my headphones and demand my bag back. Do girls actually expect a guy to carry her carryall or get mad when a guy doesn't tote her tote around? Is there a bag that every guy can veto against carrying in any situation i.e the sparkly little number that has matching straps and dangly things off it? It may just be me but don't girls get paranoid when the guy has their bag? IT'S YOUR LIFE IN A MICROCOSM OF LEATHER AND BUCKLES. Is there some unwritten rule?

I understand when you're lugging around something massively heavy and you need the guy's strength to help drag it to your car. I get it when it's like a laptop bag or luggage. But surely not your own personal bag?

I'm assuming therefore that there's something deeper here. Trust perhaps. You trust this guy enough that he won't drop your bag over the ground and spill your life onto the pavement. He's saving your shoulders from heavy-bag trauma because he can handle it? (Hopefully he can handle it- it'd be a major ego blow to him if you had broader shoulders than he did).

Ange just saw another side of it- a guy carrying a bag might as well have "TAKEN" tattooed on his forehead. You see a guy carrying a girl's bag, it means he's attached and she's not going to be too far away. Perhaps it is a security issue- she's marked him as hers and if he says no to carrying her bag, it means that he wants to be perceived as "just her friend"? By holding her bag, maybe he reassures her that he's not going anywhere- subconscious as it is.

Of course, it may be as simple as he's her bag-holder whilst she dashes off to the toilets/saves a small child from a bus/helps a grandma across the road/accepts the Presidency (what?! we've conquered one mountain, onto the next. Except Sarah Palin, her idiocy and accent make me laugh). A guy is never henpecked unless he allows himself to be and a girl is a henpecker when she refuses to submit to her man. The emasculation of a guy is never something to be celebrated in my opinion and if he looks like an idiot carrying your bag, carry your own blasted bag!

LIFE-day Tuesdays: That Thin Line

Take a look at the very pretty guy up there. His name is Mathias Lauridsen and he's one of the world's top male models at the moment. Phwoar. Eyecandy.

Something said on Sunday caused me to ask this question: "How big is the difference between admiring someones looks and looking at them lustfully? Where's the line and how thin is it?"

There's a big difference alright. What most guys don't tend to realise is that girls can be affected by the sight of a good-looking guy as much as a guy will check out a girl. Obviously, you can't stop looking at people everywhere- nobody can live in a bubble. Is it human nature to look at someone and judge whether or not they're good looking? Considering today's media and the strength of the "sex sells" principle- it's hard to remain objective. I myself have a weakness for guys that have lighter coloured eyes than their hair. I have no idea why, my tendency just leans in that direction. Dark hair, light eyes= winner. How close do I get to lusting after that image up there though? (Believe me, I had fun researching images for this article). Does that mean I'm sinning right now? Just admiring how he's been gifted with crazy-nice eyes and cheekbones so sharp they'd scratch glass?

Matt 7:28 "You know the next commandment pretty well, too: 'Don't go to bed with another's spouse.' But don't think you've preserved your virtue simply by staying out of bed. Your heart can be corrupted by lust even quicker than your body. Those leering looks you think nobody notices—they also corrupt." (The Message Bible)

I think that girls are far more susceptible to daydreaming about guys than guys do about girls. I don't necessarily mean lustfully either. The habit of using your imagination for worse- falling in love with an illusion, imagining all these different Prince Charming scenarios, turning every male you meet into a potential someone in your life- we're all guilty at one point or another. We're also more in-tune with words- just take a look at how many girls have fallen in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character from the Twilight books. Our imaginations run rife and if you google "fan-fiction", you'll see that plenty of imaginations have pumped out less-than-stellar and lurid fiction works involving characters from books.

So how to define that grey area between admiration and lust? I'm gonna say that it's highly subjective- it depends on each person.

First step for most people would be at least to identify when exactly that your thoughts turn lustful- instead of going, "Oh, wow, that's one good-looking guy" to thinking "I'd like to lick water off THAT chest". Get to know that turning point and you'll be able to identify the warning signs. Once you have that ability to sense your weak points, you'll be able to start to bring some reinforcement to them.

James 1:13-15 "When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death."

2 Timothy 2:22 "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

One thing that was revealed to me today was that we are free indeed. Some people think that freedom means being able to indulge in whatever fantasy we want to. God revealed to me though, that true freedom means being able to break free from even ourselves and the base human nature that inhabits us from the get-go. Freedom? I'll show you freedom in being able to refuse the demands of my own body - people who indulge and give into their desires, wants and fantasies are trapped within the very confines of those things. Doomed by the very thing they think is freedom.

Freedom in this particular aspect is seeing the beauty that exists in the world and in the people around us without falling into that tightly coiled bear trap of an imagination gone wild with the influences of a thousand and one stimuli. If we can look at it from the right angle, the thin line becomes the Hoover Dam and we revel in the love and gift of true freedom that God grants us.

Galatians 5:13 "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love."

MAN-Day Mondays: Fitting in yet standing out

The following opinions expressed below belong to the author and are not necessarily those of the other writers, contributors and/or associates of sisterhoodftw.blogspot.com. By reading the following post you acknowledge that this blog is totally awesome and agree to come back here everyday for further updates. This post will also make unnecessary references to beer for no apparent reason.


We often hear about how important it is to maintain a work-life balance. This is the notion that one should maintain a healthy personal lifestyle outside of their daily 9 to 5. It refers to a balance that when achieved, leads to a wholesome life, one where equal time and attention is given not only to our work endeavours, but personal, relational and familial ones as well.

However, a lot of the advice that forms part of the work-life parlance comes up short when life is viewed through a Christian lens. Being triune beings we are comprised of body, soul (that being our mind, emotions and will) and spirit. At the end of the day we’re choosing a lifestyle that realises the importance of our spiritual beliefs and allows us room for the enjoyment of other things as well (such as beer).

Inevitably there comes a time when the things we enjoy in other areas of our life seem to be incongruent with what we believe in. Jess alluded to this in Thursday’s post where she identified a conflict between her Christian ethos and a particular secular work that she admired. The reconciliation of what we do with what we believe in is a major struggle for some, including myself.

John 17 is the origin of a well known phrase referring to this exact dilemma – “to be in the world, but not of the world”. It encapsulates the inner struggle that Christians experience between the call to discipleship (Matthew 28:16-20) and the earthly attractions (such as beer) that exist in places where that discipleship must be lived out. A great example of this comes from the Old Testament book of Daniel. The book sees Daniel and his friends stand firm in their belief in God during the period of Babylonian captivity. We can learn some very practical lessons by observing Daniel’s conduct during that time.

Resolve
In Dan 1:8 we see Daniel resolving not to defile himself with the royal food and wine (because Daniel was a real man and real men drink beer). After 10 days he looked healthier and better nourished than any of the young men who ate the royal food. We can live a far healthier lifestyle when we strengthen our resolve and refrain from living a worldly lifestyle. This might mean rejecting commonly held ideas and norms in order to stay true to yourself and what you believe in.

Refrain
A personal choice that I make (that I’ve broken many times but I’m still working on it) is to refrain from getting drunk with my mates. Binge drinking is pretty popular these days and I’m always under pressure to go out and “get messy” with them. Sure it might seem like a good idea at the time and everybody else might be doing it but I will compromise my character if I do so. Strengthening our resolve and refraining from that sort of behaviour stops compromise from happening. Compromise might make a good umbrella but it makes for a poor roof. Giving in to our temptation cannot last in the long term and the decision to stand for what we believe in starts from day one.

Recognition
Sooner or later your friends will catch on and recognise that you’ve made a conscious decision to live life differently. Dan 2:47 sees King Nebuchadnezzar praise Daniel’s God after his dream was so wisely interpreted but this only eventuated after Daniel made an active decision to go before the king in verse 24. Our friends will soon realise that we’re living for a cause greater than our own but it can only happen if we make an active effort to tell them about it. This will hopefully lead to…

Respect
Once we have the respect of our peers we can openly share our beliefs with them with greater ease than we had before.

As Christians we are called to be in this world but not of it. Furthermore the call to evangelize and disciple as well is pretty damn hard at times if you ask me. The practical suggestions listed above are just some of the ways in which we can fulfil the mandate set for us. I was moved by a friend’s testimony in church where she witnessed to an acquaintance in a bar of all places.

Her willingness to be a channel of God’s blessing in a place usually reserved for getting sloshed highlighted a particular weakness in my own walk, I was willing to put myself in those situations but I wasn’t up to the task if an opportunity presented itself. The question then, is how do you sisters (and fellow readers) deal with the challenge of being in the world but not of it? What are some of the practical ways in which you fulfil your duties and obligations without compromising your character?

Many thanks and blessings,
Matty Ho


Matt is a very street-smart, book-smart, smart-alec guy whose heart is bigger than he lets anybody see. He is one of the most charming friends we've met, and makes anyone feel welcome, even from the first meeting. He has a deep-set concern for people, a willingness to laugh with people, and the potential to become one of the greatest men we will ever know. Matt is also a phở monster and makes excellent crème brûlée at the first try.

By the way, he was the awesome friend who gave the valuable and MANLY insight into the first SFTW Manday post.
Sorry ladies, he doesn't blog.